You work out of a Hotel?
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
