reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
