She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Randomize
