We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Mom said you looked used
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
