I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
