fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
