If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
We left the knife in your bed.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
