Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
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