I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
