TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
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