I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I wish there were birth control emojis
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
