Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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