This gyro tastes like lonliness
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
