With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
How's work?
Spinning.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
