He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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