your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Dude my mom stole all your condoms
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
