They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
