i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
