Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
my phone needs a breathalizer
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
