so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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