i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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