a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
