Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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