she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
So many bounce houses so little time
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
