From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
