He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
