In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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