im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
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