R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
