I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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