dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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