I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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