Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
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