Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
