$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I fill condoms, not promises.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
