well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Randomize
