Soap is not a condiment
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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