I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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