In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
