all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
