allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Randomize
