I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
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