piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
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