You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
