He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
