I'm laying in your front yard are you home
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
