you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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