I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
