O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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