I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
