So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
