apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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