She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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